How To Struggle Less And Succeed More
What does success look like to YOU?
What does actual success look like for you? Take a moment to really think about that question. I don't mean the success society dictates, or the milestones your boss wants you to hit, or the highlight reels you see on social media. What is it for you?
In my work as a holistic counselor, I frequently see clients who are exhausted from chasing a version of success that was never truly theirs. In our pursuit of wellness and a meaningful life, we often skip the most crucial step: defining the actual destination.
The Trap of the Negativity Bias
It’s incredibly easy to identify unhappiness, discomfort, and suffering. Human beings are actually hardwired to do this. In psychology, this is known as the negativity bias—our brain's evolutionary tendency to register negative stimuli more readily than positive ones (Rozin & Royzman, 2001). Once upon a time, this bias insured that we remained safe. It sought out potential threats so that those threats could be dealt with, leaving us to be more safe and secure.
Because of this natural inclination, it is much harder to look past our current struggles to understand and paint a clear picture of what our personal success might look like. We get caught up in all the things that are not working. We fixate on our anxiety, our stressful jobs, or our relationship conflicts, rather than setting our sights on a clear vision of where we truly want to be.
How a Clear Vision Shrinks Your Suffering
Put the stumbling blocks in their place—don’t let them hold you back from getting to where you really want to be.
This is real: when we have a true vision of success, the causes of our suffering (especially our immediate struggles) begin to shrink. When we take the time to paint a clear picture in our minds of where and how we want to be, our daily struggles lose their control over us. This isn't just wishful thinking; it’s a form of cognitive reframing. By shifting our focus toward a meaningful goal, our minds begin to view current hardships as mere stumbling blocks on the way to our actual destination.
Today’s discomfort, stress, and suffering get put in their proper place. They are recognized for what they truly are: temporary situations to overcome as we continue to progress toward an ultimate goal. That reward might be a well-earned retirement at the end of a long career, or it might simply be maintaining your inner peace by the end of a chaotic week. Both are valid. Both are success. And both could co-exist—it’s entirely possible to hold multiple visions of success (in terms of time, scope, etc.) for your future.
Using Your Values as Your Paint
You cannot paint a masterpiece without the right materials. In the context of mental wellness and personal growth, building your vision of success starts with understanding yourself and what you value most.
This approach is heavily rooted in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), a psychological framework that emphasizes living in alignment with your core values (Hayes et al., 2006). Your most central values—whether they include family, creativity, autonomy, peace, or resilience—become the paint with which you begin to make your clear picture of what your true success looks like.
Ask yourself:
What brings me a sense of genuine peace?
When do I feel most authentic?
If no one else was watching or judging, how would I spend my time?
What fuels my decisions?
Start Painting Your Picture Today
I really encourage you to give this a try. Take out a journal, or simply take a quiet walk, and start painting a picture of your success. Focus less on what you want to escape, and more on what you want to build a little further down the road. Once you have that successful picture clear in your mind, use it as your guide. Allow it to be your focus as you encounter setbacks along the way. And if you find that your vision of true success needs an update at some point, go ahead and make the edit. Just remember what the your ultimate, value-based goal is and that all the little struggles that pop up along the way are just bumps in the road on your way to getting to where you want to be.
Ready to find your canvas? If you find yourself stuck focusing on what isn't working, or if you are struggling to identify your core values, you don't have to figure it out alone. Partnering with a mental health professional or counselor can help you clear the mental clutter, overcome your stumbling blocks, and finally define a life that brings you true fulfillment.
Click here to schedule a consultation with me and let's start mapping out your unique vision of success today. Be well.
References:
Hayes, S. C., Luoma, J. B., Bond, F. W., Masuda, A., & Lillis, J. (2006). Acceptance and commitment therapy: Model, processes and outcomes. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 44(1), 1-25.
Rozin, P., & Royzman, E. B. (2001). Negativity bias, negativity dominance, and contagion. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 5(4), 296-320.