The Happiness You’re Looking ForIs Playing Hide-and-Seek

Hide and seek isn’t just a childhood game

How to find joy again — even when it feels completely out of reach

When I was little, growing up on a midwestern farm, I loved playing hide-and-seek. I’d play with my cousins when family was together, and when they weren’t around, I’d play with my little dog, Sparky, who was honestly really good at it. No matter where I hid, he always found me.

Here’s something I’ve noticed about that game, though. When we’re young, if something is hiding from us, it’s an adventure. The search is part of the fun. But at some point, something shifts. If something is hidden as an adult, it’s suddenly a problem, a nuisance, a barrier to happiness. Where are my keys? Where did my energy go? Where is my happiness?

What if that didn’t have to be the case? What if finding what you’re looking for could feel more like playing hide-and-seek as a kid?

That shift in perspective, from frustrated searching to curious exploration, turns out to be one of the most meaningful things you can do for your mental and emotional wellbeing. And the good news is that neuroscience and positive psychology have a great deal to say about exactly how to make it happen.

Why Happiness Hides From Us in the First Place

Before we can talk about finding happiness, it helps to understand why it so often feels elusive. The short answer is that your brain is working against you—not out of malice, but out of biology.

The human brain has a built-in negativity bias. Neuropsychologist and bestselling author Dr. Rick Hanson describes this as the brain being like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones. It’s an evolutionary feature, not a flaw: our ancestors survived by staying hyperaware of threats. But in the modern world, that same wiring keeps us ruminating on what’s wrong, what’s missing, and what we fear, while the good things in our lives slip right past us (Hanson, 2013). (Although, as time goes by, we tend to remember things in the past with a more positive way.)

In other words, happiness isn’t hiding because there isn’t any. It’s hiding because your brain is not naturally inclined to stop and dwell on it. The wonderful moments, the small joys, the brief flashes of peace or connection—they come and go quickly, and without deliberate attention, they leave very little trace.

The good news is that’s something you can actually change.

It’s time re-contextualize your search for happiness and fulfillment

Reframing the Search: Context Is Everything

One of the most powerful things you can do when happiness feels out of reach is to shift your relationship to the search itself. Rather than focusing on the fact that you’ve lost your spark, focus on the possibilities present in finding it. Center your attention on the happiness you ultimately want, and keep your eyes on that prize.

Cognitive reappraisal — the deliberate reframing of a situation in order to change its emotional impact — is one of the most well-researched and effective emotional regulation strategies available to us (Gross & John, 2003). Simply put, the story you tell yourself about your experience has a profound effect on how that experience actually feels.

Telling yourself “I have lost my happiness and I don’t know where it went” generates a very different emotional state than telling yourself “I am in the midst of a search, and I’m getting closer.” Both statements might describe the same moment. The second one, however, opens the door. It invites curiosity rather than despair. It positions you as an active seeker rather than a passive sufferer.

Aim toward the outcome; focus on and create an enjoyable or interesting process to get you to that outcome, and let the rest go. And like the child who finds the search half the fun, that shift in context can make all the difference.

A Practice That Actually Works: Savoring What Was and What Is

Here is a simple, research-backed practice that you can start today. I recommend trying it daily for seven days and noticing what changes.

Think back and conjure up a time in your life when you felt nothing but pure happiness.

Begin by taking a few moments to remember times in your past when you felt pure joy. It doesn’t have to be a grand or dramatic memory. It could be from childhood—maybe even playing hide-and-seek. The point is to bring the memory to life in your mind. Give it color and texture. What sounds were present? What did it feel like in your body? Even ask yourself what those moments smelled like? The more vivid you make it, the more powerful (and helpful) the exercise will be. The memories of who we were when we felt most alive and happy are not just nostalgia. They are information about who we are and what we are genuinely capable of experiencing. They remind us that happiness is not foreign to us. It is something we have felt before, and something we can feel again.

This practice has a name in positive psychology research: savoring. Drs. Fred Bryant and Joseph Veroff, who wrote the foundational text on this subject, define savoring as attending to, appreciating, and enhancing positive experiences in one’s life—including positive memories (Bryant & Veroff, 2007). Research has consistently shown that savoring increases happiness and wellbeing, helps counterbalance the weight of negative emotions, and boosts life satisfaction (Smith & Bryant, 2017).

After spending some time with those vivid, joy-filled memories, however, take a second to notice and celebrate any small pieces of that same feeling that exist in your present life. These don’t have to be significant. A single moment of pleasure as you begin to sip a good cup of tea. A flash of vibrant emotion from a song you love. A moment of genuine connection with someone you care about. These small, often-overlooked experiences are where happiness actually lives most of the time.

The key is to pause and stay with them. That’s what makes the difference. Truly notice the little ephemeral moments of happiness—those times in which a semblance of that memory of pure happiness is present once again. Stay with it, and breathe a bit of life and recognition into that experience.

What the Brain Does When You Practice This Daily

When you practice noticing and savoring small positive experiences consistently, you are doing something genuinely remarkable: you are reshaping your brain.

Dr. Hanson, building on decades of neuroscience research, describes this as positive neuroplasticity—the deliberate use of our experiences to grow lasting inner strengths and resources. His research shows that taking just a few extra seconds to consciously stay with and absorb a positive experience can, over time, shift the brain’s default orientation from negativity toward wellbeing (Hanson, 2013). You are, quite literally, rewiring the brain toward happiness.

Dr. Barbara Fredrickson’s landmark broaden-and-build theory adds another important dimension to this picture. Her research demonstrates that positive emotions don’t just feel good in the moment—they actively broaden our awareness and build durable psychological, social, and intellectual resources over time (Fredrickson, 2001). Joy sparks the urge to play. Interest sparks the urge to explore. Gratitude deepens our sense of connection. And these resources compound: positive emotions lead to more positive emotions, creating an upward spiral of wellbeing (Fredrickson & Joiner, 2002).

In other words, the small act of noticing happiness where it actually exists—not waiting for it to arrive in some grand, undeniable form—sets a cycle in motion that grows over time. Before long, you will start finding happiness tucked away in all sorts of small, unexpected places. And all the happiness that felt hidden from you won’t be so hard to find. Your brain, when given the right kind of daily practice, will begin to find it automatically. That is not a vague promise, it is the science of neuroplasticity, made personal.

The best place to start is at the beginning. Try a 7-day practice to see how your happiness can improve.

Where to Start

Start by trying the practice outlined above. It’s the perfect starting line. Give yourself seven days, and maybe jot down a few notes about your experience with it. Each day, spend a few minutes with vivid, joy-filled memories from your past. Then look for even one small echo of that feeling in your present. Notice it. Stay with it for a moment longer than you normally would. And again, write it down if that helps.

At the end of the week, take stock. I genuinely believe your week will feel a bit brighter and more fulfilling—not because your circumstances will have changed, but because you’ll have started training your mind to find what was always there.

And if you’d like support building practices like this one into your daily life—especially if you’re navigating something difficult, like anxiety, burnout, grief, or a major transition—that’s exactly the kind of holistic, whole-person work I love to do with people. Reach out, and let’s talk about what’s possible for you.

Adam Scheldt is a holistic counselor, life coach, and the founder of Adam Scheldt Wellness LLC, serving clients in Western New York and online. He offers holistic counseling, life coaching, sleep coaching, and spiritual direction. Schedule a free 20-minute introductory call to learn more about how Adam can help you elevate your life.

References

Bryant, F. B., & Veroff, J. (2007). Savoring: A new model of positive experience. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

Fredrickson, B. L. (2001). The role of positive emotions in positive psychology: The broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions. American Psychologist, 56(3), 218–226. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.56.3.218

Fredrickson, B. L., & Joiner, T. (2002). Positive emotions trigger upward spirals toward emotional well-being. Psychological Science, 13(2), 172–175. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-9280.00431

Gross, J. J., & John, O. P. (2003). Individual differences in two emotion regulation processes: Implications for affect, relationships, and well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85(2), 348–362. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.85.2.348

Hanson, R. (2013). Hardwiring happiness: The new brain science of contentment, calm, and confidence. Harmony Books.

Smith, J. L., & Bryant, F. B. (2017). Savoring and wellbeing: Mapping the cognitive-emotional terrain of the happy mind. In M. D. Robinson & M. Eid (Eds.), The happy mind: Cognitive contributions to well-being (pp. 139–156). Springer. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-58763-9_8