A bit of what I shared was ad-libbed in the moment, however, my written remarks (99% of my spoken remarks) are below...
Well, long time no see. I think it makes sense to take a quick second and catch up! I formally set sail from this exquisite space [arms gesture up] on my birthday, back in February. And on march 5th, I began a position as director of pastoral care at hospice buffalo. Since that time, I changed the department to Spiritual Care—so I’m actually the Director of Spiritual Care, and; I stopped employing chaplains and began employing spiritual care counselors—again, a name change, but also a shift in outlook, and its starting to make a big difference; I’ve instituted evidence based spiritual interventions; I’ve begun a collaborative effort to effect bereavement education in religious communities; I’m already hiring two new staff members; and it all results in the fact that each and every single day, I get to wake up and shepherd the spiritual care of roughly 600 patients—600 a day!, their care givers, and their families, as well as around 450 fellow employees. I felt so very enriched and blessed having the opportunity to care for this congregation, and now that things have vastly expanded? It. feels. fantastic.
Thats professionally, personally, my garden is flourishing, I’ve started a kitchen renovation, opened my own private practice, become a gym bunny, put on 15 pounds, and I’m still a proud part of US Figure Skating. So, since February, thats me in a nut shell. I’m doing well. And I am sooo happy to have been able to stay right here, at home in buffalo, a town that I love and have become a part of.
The only tarnished piece of blight that I experience these days is when I plug into the news. And then, there it is. The chaos. The abomination that calls itself a leader, and those who fuel that fire. There they all are, like a cadre of demons made real—at once insidiously and incessantly, working in the background to undermine our lives, and flagrantly flouting nearly every convention of civility and effectiveness that generations of real Americans worked hard to cultivate.
Ours is a country founded on exquisite works of bold thought and philosophy. But what we see now—has cast a dark pale over our lives. It often feels like fiction! If you haven’t become completely numb to it yet, you know well that we find ourselves living in dark, fearful times.
Now, as the sensitive, spiritual, connected kind of person that I am, I happen to know a little something about living in darkness. I’ve been there. Its the price you pay for living life with your soul wide open. And over the years, I have learned, that is indeed how I live my life, its the only way I know how, its how I’m built and I’m ok with that.
But to see SO many others, many of you in this very room this evening—whom I have spoken to, who I have counseled, who I do counsel—lost and afraid in the chaotic foreboding that comes when you turn on npr, cnn, or pick up a news paper, look at your phone. And you’re not alone. Millions of Americans—and others—are right there with you. Rates of depression and anxiety disorders are higher now than ever before. Suicide rates are increasing. The darkness that has infested life right now, is clearly a powerful one. It is one that I have watched inspire and foment resentment, loathing, disgust, anger, depression, fear, anxiety, and even out right hatred in our society to levels I and probably even you, have never seen before. [pause]
It often feels like this is the new normal. I heard a speaker the other day actually say, “this is life now.” And whats worse, is that sooo many shook their heads in agreement. Friends, darkness is not a way of life. And that’s what I’d actually like to talk about tonight. This may be my last time ever speaking from this bimah, in this room. Its a farewell address from me to you. And in thinking about that, over the course of these past weeks, so many ideas ran through my mind. But I settled on this. This plague-like darkness that I see dimming the light of so many people.
So I’d like to offer you two words—because as many of you might recall, I’m a big fan of words and etymology, fanciful acts of wordsmithery. The first, is a word that I interact with on a daily basis now—patients. Because as life would have it right now, we are all actually patients. The word patient comes to us from latin through French and it means “one who suffers.” And in light of what we have experienced, what we continue to experience, thats all of us. The second word I’d like to offer is one of my very favorite words ever: metanoia (met-uh-NOI-uh). The definition of metanoia is a “profound transformation in one’s outlook.” Isn’t that a fantastic word? Metanoia. A profound transformation in one’s outlook. So what we are exploring together tonight is the amazing gift that comes from actually putting these two words together. I want to invite us all to explore the metanoia of the patient. Patient meaning you, me, anyone who finds themselves lost in the chaos or darkness or destructive words or behaviors of others. Denotatively, I want to invite you to profoundly transform an outlook, perhaps your outlook of suffering.
So I’d like to ask you to do something for me. Take a deep breath, let your shoulders drop away from your ears. Take a second let your breathing slow a bit. Let your gaze soften or let your eyes close. Now think back. Remember what it felt like when you saw or heard any number of vulgar insults. Remember the first time you heard outright lies stated as truth. Remember what you felt like just a few days ago, when our neighbors to the north were grossly insulted—so a disgusting dictator could become our nation’s friend. Sit with that, let those memories come alive.
All those emotions? Where are they in your body? What physical sensations are present right now? What does it feel like? Is there a heaviness in your stomach? A sensation of pressure in your chest? Thats what I feel. Or maybe a tingling just behind your forehead? What are you feeling right now. What visual do you associate with your emotions right now? With those physical sensations? In your mind’s eye, what coloration do you see before you?
Its dark, isn’t it? There is so much darkness in this world right now. There’s so much darkness inside each of us. Life isn’t always unicorns and rainbows. But what is present for us now? —man. Its dark. We used to go weeks with out these kinds of intense emotions. Now we can’t even make a few hours. It can be so dark that I’ve heard it described as feeling like a tomb. And I think that sometimes that sentiment can actually make sense. We’re trapped with 3 more years of this narcissistic, degrading, lying, foul leadership. It really can sometimes feel like a tomb. But what if this is not the darkness of the tomb, it could be instead, the darkness of the womb. metanoia. And we are waiting to push, and strain, and bare something entirely new. Something rife with unspoiled potential.
If you allow the craziness you witness to define the world in which you live—the universe in which you and your soul operate. Then the darkness you see will indeed entomb you. [pause]
People ask me why I converted. I always give them honest responses. But you want to know whats at the heart of it? What my soul heard as it was called back to Sinai? Its because the entirety of the Torah is metanoia. The entire text is one giant transformation. Liminal moments, one after another, culminating in a profound transformation in the collective outlook of suffering. Slaves emerging anew into a free world of Divine possibility. That is why I am here. That is how I can be here.
As Jews, transformation is what we do. Thats as a collective, spanning millenia. But, what do we do, as individuals, right here. Well. You start with that little massively depressing exercise I walked us all through a few minutes ago. And then, once you know beyond a shadow of a doubt what kind of beast you are facing—both internally and externally. Then you have a decision to make. Are you going to live your now in a tomb? Or are you going to live the present in a womb? Are you going remain a patient? Or are you going to grow and heal and walk your soul out into some light where it belongs?
There a few rules of living that I want to give to you. Call it Rabbi Scheldt’s Survival Guide for when life goes sideways. Actually, these aren’t tips to just survive, but rather to thrive.
Now, did I just outline a point by point instruction manual on how to psychologically cope with bad things in life? No. People who do that are simply patching holes in a damn, or putting out fires. What I just outlined are the steps of engagement to change your outlook, your life, to cultivate your soul, to breathe in and exhale the purest of Torah. The “tips” I shared? They don’t plug holes in a dam, they remove the need for a dam in the first place. They don’t put out fires, they remove the possibility of ignition. And therein lies the cool calm peace that will truly bring about change. Its all right here for you to discover.
So Im going to leave you with this. One last tip. And then I’ll stop talking. Having just given the longest sermon I have ever delivered in my life, and in genuine consideration of every single sermon I ever delivered from this very spot. Heck, every single sermon I’ve ever given anywhere. I want to share with you the words of novelist Oliver goldsmith, who said: “You can preach a better sermon with your life than with your lips.” And I hope that that is what I’ve done I my time with you. I love you all. Shabbat shalom.
Thats professionally, personally, my garden is flourishing, I’ve started a kitchen renovation, opened my own private practice, become a gym bunny, put on 15 pounds, and I’m still a proud part of US Figure Skating. So, since February, thats me in a nut shell. I’m doing well. And I am sooo happy to have been able to stay right here, at home in buffalo, a town that I love and have become a part of.
The only tarnished piece of blight that I experience these days is when I plug into the news. And then, there it is. The chaos. The abomination that calls itself a leader, and those who fuel that fire. There they all are, like a cadre of demons made real—at once insidiously and incessantly, working in the background to undermine our lives, and flagrantly flouting nearly every convention of civility and effectiveness that generations of real Americans worked hard to cultivate.
Ours is a country founded on exquisite works of bold thought and philosophy. But what we see now—has cast a dark pale over our lives. It often feels like fiction! If you haven’t become completely numb to it yet, you know well that we find ourselves living in dark, fearful times.
Now, as the sensitive, spiritual, connected kind of person that I am, I happen to know a little something about living in darkness. I’ve been there. Its the price you pay for living life with your soul wide open. And over the years, I have learned, that is indeed how I live my life, its the only way I know how, its how I’m built and I’m ok with that.
But to see SO many others, many of you in this very room this evening—whom I have spoken to, who I have counseled, who I do counsel—lost and afraid in the chaotic foreboding that comes when you turn on npr, cnn, or pick up a news paper, look at your phone. And you’re not alone. Millions of Americans—and others—are right there with you. Rates of depression and anxiety disorders are higher now than ever before. Suicide rates are increasing. The darkness that has infested life right now, is clearly a powerful one. It is one that I have watched inspire and foment resentment, loathing, disgust, anger, depression, fear, anxiety, and even out right hatred in our society to levels I and probably even you, have never seen before. [pause]
It often feels like this is the new normal. I heard a speaker the other day actually say, “this is life now.” And whats worse, is that sooo many shook their heads in agreement. Friends, darkness is not a way of life. And that’s what I’d actually like to talk about tonight. This may be my last time ever speaking from this bimah, in this room. Its a farewell address from me to you. And in thinking about that, over the course of these past weeks, so many ideas ran through my mind. But I settled on this. This plague-like darkness that I see dimming the light of so many people.
So I’d like to offer you two words—because as many of you might recall, I’m a big fan of words and etymology, fanciful acts of wordsmithery. The first, is a word that I interact with on a daily basis now—patients. Because as life would have it right now, we are all actually patients. The word patient comes to us from latin through French and it means “one who suffers.” And in light of what we have experienced, what we continue to experience, thats all of us. The second word I’d like to offer is one of my very favorite words ever: metanoia (met-uh-NOI-uh). The definition of metanoia is a “profound transformation in one’s outlook.” Isn’t that a fantastic word? Metanoia. A profound transformation in one’s outlook. So what we are exploring together tonight is the amazing gift that comes from actually putting these two words together. I want to invite us all to explore the metanoia of the patient. Patient meaning you, me, anyone who finds themselves lost in the chaos or darkness or destructive words or behaviors of others. Denotatively, I want to invite you to profoundly transform an outlook, perhaps your outlook of suffering.
So I’d like to ask you to do something for me. Take a deep breath, let your shoulders drop away from your ears. Take a second let your breathing slow a bit. Let your gaze soften or let your eyes close. Now think back. Remember what it felt like when you saw or heard any number of vulgar insults. Remember the first time you heard outright lies stated as truth. Remember what you felt like just a few days ago, when our neighbors to the north were grossly insulted—so a disgusting dictator could become our nation’s friend. Sit with that, let those memories come alive.
All those emotions? Where are they in your body? What physical sensations are present right now? What does it feel like? Is there a heaviness in your stomach? A sensation of pressure in your chest? Thats what I feel. Or maybe a tingling just behind your forehead? What are you feeling right now. What visual do you associate with your emotions right now? With those physical sensations? In your mind’s eye, what coloration do you see before you?
Its dark, isn’t it? There is so much darkness in this world right now. There’s so much darkness inside each of us. Life isn’t always unicorns and rainbows. But what is present for us now? —man. Its dark. We used to go weeks with out these kinds of intense emotions. Now we can’t even make a few hours. It can be so dark that I’ve heard it described as feeling like a tomb. And I think that sometimes that sentiment can actually make sense. We’re trapped with 3 more years of this narcissistic, degrading, lying, foul leadership. It really can sometimes feel like a tomb. But what if this is not the darkness of the tomb, it could be instead, the darkness of the womb. metanoia. And we are waiting to push, and strain, and bare something entirely new. Something rife with unspoiled potential.
If you allow the craziness you witness to define the world in which you live—the universe in which you and your soul operate. Then the darkness you see will indeed entomb you. [pause]
People ask me why I converted. I always give them honest responses. But you want to know whats at the heart of it? What my soul heard as it was called back to Sinai? Its because the entirety of the Torah is metanoia. The entire text is one giant transformation. Liminal moments, one after another, culminating in a profound transformation in the collective outlook of suffering. Slaves emerging anew into a free world of Divine possibility. That is why I am here. That is how I can be here.
As Jews, transformation is what we do. Thats as a collective, spanning millenia. But, what do we do, as individuals, right here. Well. You start with that little massively depressing exercise I walked us all through a few minutes ago. And then, once you know beyond a shadow of a doubt what kind of beast you are facing—both internally and externally. Then you have a decision to make. Are you going to live your now in a tomb? Or are you going to live the present in a womb? Are you going remain a patient? Or are you going to grow and heal and walk your soul out into some light where it belongs?
There a few rules of living that I want to give to you. Call it Rabbi Scheldt’s Survival Guide for when life goes sideways. Actually, these aren’t tips to just survive, but rather to thrive.
- Don’t forget you have a body. As Jews, we can be a pretty cerebral people. But the more you involve your body in your thoughts and emotions, the more successful you will be. A well treated body = a well treated mind = a soul that can do what it needs to do to succeed. Im not just talking about physical health. Your body is literally what moves you from moment to moment—so use it to do just that and integrate yourself fully, mind body and soul.
- You are not your feelings. You are never mad. You are Penny. You are Robyn, Marcia… You just happen to feel mad in one moment in time. Just because you experience an emotion is no reason to identify with it. Identify yourself with yourself, your life, your values, and let your emotions inform you about your experiences. Your present is never your permanent. Its just like when you feel pain in your body. That pain is a message to you that something is wrong and needs tending to. The SAME EXACT THING is true for emotional and spiritual pain—something is wrong and needs tending to. Your present is not your permanent.
- Be expansive. Think of this… Would you like people to consider you interesting? Most would. Well, in order to be interesting, you have to be interested. And you can’t be interested in anything unless you actually and truly listen to others and open yourself to the gifts they could potentially offer you—no matter how small or how hard you may have to look for them.
- What you feed is what will succeed. If you give your energy to anger, chaos, and fear? Then your mind will literally begin to wire itself to better facilitate that line of thinking. And it will become harder and harder to find happiness, ease, and strength. Likewise, if you put your energy into shutting things out, not caring, and growing numb to what is around you. Then your mind will hardwire itself such that you won’t see the atrocities truly before you.
- Fuel your life with curiosity. Find something to be curious about every day. Satiate your curiosity, i.e learn something, and then celebrate your accomplishment with a bracha, or prayer, or something. It might sound silly, but its transformational.
- Memories are not an illustration of the past, but rather they are the keys to the future. You cannot go backward. Build on what you have lived. Live the lessons you’ve gained. And let all of it illumine a future of what could be instead of what was.
- And 7th, as one of my teachers taught, you can be a host to god, or a hostage to your ego—its your call. Either you can live only for yourself. Maybe appearing to be for others, but really just being for you. Or, you could be so inside your head that you quickly dismiss everything I’ve said as nice and lovely things and then go right back to the anger and frustration you’ve grown accustomed to. Or you can work to invite a sense of holiness into your life. You can give this stuff that im talking about a real try and watch yourself transform over time.
- And never forget that the universe has a limitless supply of lovingkindness, and it is for you. An infinite amount of lovingkindness is always at your disposal. Sounds fluffy, I could go into it in greater detail, but I wont cause I’ve talked long enough. But its true.
Now, did I just outline a point by point instruction manual on how to psychologically cope with bad things in life? No. People who do that are simply patching holes in a damn, or putting out fires. What I just outlined are the steps of engagement to change your outlook, your life, to cultivate your soul, to breathe in and exhale the purest of Torah. The “tips” I shared? They don’t plug holes in a dam, they remove the need for a dam in the first place. They don’t put out fires, they remove the possibility of ignition. And therein lies the cool calm peace that will truly bring about change. Its all right here for you to discover.
So Im going to leave you with this. One last tip. And then I’ll stop talking. Having just given the longest sermon I have ever delivered in my life, and in genuine consideration of every single sermon I ever delivered from this very spot. Heck, every single sermon I’ve ever given anywhere. I want to share with you the words of novelist Oliver goldsmith, who said: “You can preach a better sermon with your life than with your lips.” And I hope that that is what I’ve done I my time with you. I love you all. Shabbat shalom.
